The Commercial Life of Jeff Goldblum

His quiet nature makes him likable. His intellect and how he presents it make him informative without stuffiness. His looks make him pleasing to the eye. His smile is contagious.

In other words, he's an advertiser's dream! It also makes him a joy to watch!

Since 1990, Jeff Goldblum has been spokesman for a number of products, both here and abroad. And what a range he has represented! They have gone from adult beverages to transportation to housing. Most with humor. Many are memorable. Often, he plays a character, rather than a celebrity spokesperson. In his earlier commercials, he plays a character known as Jeff Goldblum.

Let's begin in the United Kingdom with products that Americans may know little about. The first is a German beer that has been a staple in the British market since 1952. Holsten Pils decided to use Jeff's star power to promote their brew. These commercials (1990-93) demonstrate his ability to carry the deadpan style of British comedy that brought fame to the likes of Monty Python and Blackadder. The ads contain absurd dialog that is delivered without a hint of smirk, smile or wink. For instance:

"I'll drink this in Antarctica. Nights there last six months. So, you can fly out on Friday, stay two years and still be on time for work on Monday."

"Last year, I gave my friend a remote-controlled TV. Very remote. It's in Siberia."

In another commercial, he bemoans the breakup with his girl friend. He got custody of the fridge. She got custody of the Holsten Pils. He can only see them on weekends.

Many of the ads end with the words "Holsten Pils" jumbled to form other phrases. This sight gag includes a large banner stating "Stops in Hell" and a lifeguard's cap showing "Splosh Inlet." Those familiar with British comedy will no doubt remember such a joke at the beginning of each episode of Fawlty Towers, with such notices for "Watery Fowls" or "Flowery Twats."

In 2002, Jeff Goldblum makes an appearance in a fantasy sequence in the Hollywood section of an ad for the Irish National Lotto. It is good to know that people who win the lottery dream about meeting Jeff Goldblum. That could be called a bonus.

During Christmas, 2015, Jeff was found portraying himself in a series of commercials where he interrupted people's holiday celebrations that had gone wrong. Whether disappointing gift or inedible dinner, he would show those around him what would have happened if the right gift were given. Through "acting", as he puts it, he'd display the effects of receiving a Microsoft Surface or a Bosch Oven from Curry's PC World. This, however, worked a little too well at times, as he was the recipient of a husband's passionate kiss or a horrid turkey dinner.

Other countries have also borrowed Jeff for their products. There is a badly copied ad from Japan for computer chips that I found. In 2017, consumers were told "Less Talk, More Eat" with Menulog, the Australian equivalent of GrubHub. He jumps into moments when ordering over the phone is just not appropriate. Use the Ap, because "silence is Goldblum."

Back in the States, the auto industry has called on Jeff several times. In 1995, he was the voice of Hyundai. In 2002, Toyota had him do the voiceover. In 2018, he reprised his role in Jurassic Park, having his Jeep Wrangler chased by a T-Rex. This time, Jeff turns the tables and ends up being the 'chaser' rather than the 'chasee'. "How do you like that?" he quips at the end.

Speaking of Jurassic Park, Alamo Drafthouse had him bring along a raptor named Sheila to menace anyone who talks or texts during the movie. One patron gets her just desserts, as did Sheila. The raptor was much happier about the outcome.

In the late 1990's, Apple had Jeff as spokesman for the iMac, sometimes in badly made commercials that are shown on YouTube as "drunken Jeff Goldblum". I tend to believe that the the commercials were loaded at a slower, more distorting speed to make it look like he is drunk.

"Hilton Time" came along with Jeff touting the relaxation and pleasure of Hilton Hotels. He finds himself pampered in numerous manners. Oddly, there is always the sounds of children laughing in the background. We never see any kids. Do the Children of the Corn have a majority share in Hilton? The commercial ends with a rousing game of Ker-plunk, pitting Jeff against...Jeff! And Jeff loses!

Abandoning the character of Jeff Goldblum, we meet Terry Quattro. He shows how GE Lighting can make anyone look and feel like a celebrity, just like him. We don't know why Quattro is famous, but we are sure we want to be just like him. He even shows how the product makes a balding man in a T-shirt look just like him, thanks to GE Light Bulbs.

This brings us to his latest alter ego, the one and sometimes multiple, Brad Bellflower. Brad is a benevolent wizard helping people change their apartment and thus change their world. Spokesman for Apartments.com, he is billed as Silicon Valley Maverick and Inventor of the Arpartminternet. Seeming to have abilities usually reserved for the likes of Dr. Who or Dr. Sam Becket ("Quantum Leap"), Bellflower jumps from place to place, showing one person the infinite possibilities of apartments, causing another to enter the same room over and over again, and making a whole family drop through varied doorsteps in search of the right rental home. All are done without the slightest of malice and the gentleness of a caring deity. One wonders if Brad Bellflower has a physical form or has left his body behind and become one with the Apartminternet.

Where will he go next? Who will he become? Only time and Madison Avenue will tell where we will next see Jeff Goldblum and the products he will make famous. I, for one, look forward to it. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's Date Night and I am out of GE Light Bulbs.

Most commercials can be found on YouTube!!